Thanks for taking my comment and turning it in to a really helpful blog post.

Your right American culture awards extroversion so it isn't seen as being a “problem”. When I read Introvert Power I was floored by Laurie Helgoe's description of the more introverted Scandinavian culture. It fits in with my own experience as I loved Oslo when I visited. I secretly imagine that the Scandinavian blogosphere is filled with articles like Extraverts: Learn to Introvert to Succeed.

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I'd like to add one: “Read _Really READ_ the emails from introverts”.

I am an innie, and I get my best stuff out in writing when I have a chance to think it through and mull it over. Every single word of my email matters. I try to keep them short and to the point, and I try to creatively use bold and other stuff to let the extroverts skim easily.

But my extroverted honey and bosses have always just used my emails as jumping off points for what I see as useless conversations. They don't read them. they gist them. and then they ask me questions that I've already answered in that email that they didn't read.

I struggle with not feeling heard a lot. In conversation, and in general. Having my emails and texts gisted and then ignored drives me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.

The other thing I use a lot in conversations is my “loading bar”. I tell my extroverts that I have a loading bar, that the system hasn't crashed, there's just a delay as I think through the thing we're discussing. Admitting that there's a loading bar – that I've heard their question and am working on it often helps slow them down enough to get them to wait for me to finish processing.

So, what I want is for an extrovert to READ my fricking email, to say “I've read your email and I see that you've already got the basic numbers, but what I want to ask you about is this…” use the email for a springboard for ACTUAL useful conversation, rather than just ignoring all the hard work I've already done.

whew.
Sorry for the vent.

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Eva, nice job addressing an underserved audience! I have seen tons of advice geared towards introverts but this is the first time I've seen extroverts addressed.

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Hi Eva,

Great tips. I totally agree with your comment that many people assume Extaverts are skilled at communication when really they have their own typical strengths and challenges. I can add another couple of practical tips. Extraverts can learn to pause after speaking (especially when they ask a question) and wait for a response. This gives others a chance to gather their thoughts and contribute more (Alicia has learned to ask for this space in a very clever way, but she shouldn't have to). They can also let people know when they are thinking out loud, so others can recognize this process and not misinterpret what is being said as well developed ideas. I think extraversion and introversion are both positive ways to gather energy and orient to the world. Everyone needs to reflect and act. Hopefully articles like yours will build appreciation and understanding of these differences!

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Yup! I haven't read Introvert Power, but I've lived in Eastern Europe and one of the most noticeable cultural differences has been just that. It is seen as normal to be calm, reserved in your demeanor there but if I am not bubbly and smiley at all times of day here, people assume something is wrong.

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That's a good one! I can't stand it when people don't read my emails.

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Thanks, it's a good feeling to know I've written something that is not redundant! Speaking of which, any introverts out there dislike redundancy or is that just a personal preference on my part?

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Good tips, thanks for sharing!

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