My manager recently told me that she doesn’t like the way I handle mistakes. I do make mistakes, and they’re not always trivial ones, but I usually try to fix them and move on. Apparently since I don’t inform her when this happens, it’s coming across to her as me not taking responsibility or seeming “cavalier” about my work quality. But I don’t understand what she’s looking for. Can you help?

Well, first, you need to know what’s going on in your manager’s head when she learns that you’ve made a mistake. Beyond thinking about the repercussions of the mistake itself, she’s worrying about what it means for the larger picture: Did the mistake happen because of sloppy work habits or was this one isolated incident? Is there a fundamental problem with your systems or approach to the work? Do you realize that this is a big deal, or are you shrugging it off and thus likely to let something similar happen in the future?

Once you understand this, the formula for handling a mistake well becomes more intuitive: Tell your boss what happened, take responsibility for it, and tell her how you’ll ensure it doesn’t happen again.

If you don’t do each of those steps, you leave your boss wondering if she can trust that similar mistakes won’t happen again.

After all, if you don’t tell her what happened, or if you put it off out of fear of the conversation, you’re sending the message that you value your own comfort over the needs of the work.

Taking responsibility means using words like: “I really messed this up. I’m sorry.” (In fact, the more concerned you seem, the less likely she is to feel she needs to impress the severity on you. If you proactively show that you get it, there’s no need for her to underscore it.) But if you instead act like it wasn’t a big deal or get defensive about it, you can actually compound the damage: Your boss will be far more alarmed that you don’t really care that you made a mistake than she will be by the mistake itself. Rather than making the mistake less noticeable, what will really stand out is that you’re not taking responsibility for it.

The third step – telling your boss how it happened and how you plan to ensure it doesn’t happen again – isn’t so much that she wants to know as it is that she wants to know that you know. And that’s because if you don’t understand how it happened, you’re not well equipped to keep it from happening again.

You’re going to make mistakes from time to time, and any halfway sane boss knows that. As long as your mistakes remain occasional and not constant, how you handle them will be what matters most.

The hashtags say it all: “#worstspeechever,” “#justkillmenow,” and “#epicfail.”

The worst part? Those are the kindest tweets. The others involve words your mother told you to never use.

If you’ve received such reviews, you’re not alone. Some of the brightest, most intelligent professionals are also the kind of public speakers that make others want to run for the exits the minute they spot them behind the podium or loading a PowerPoint.

Giving a great speech is not that difficult if you avoid the common presentation traps that ensnare many professionals.  If you want a public talk to enhance your career and not kill it, then you should:

1. Stop channeling your high school debate team.
Those oration lessons you learned from the speech teacher? Forget them. You want to focus on having a conversation with your audience. Study how talk show hosts like Oprah Winfrey or Katie Couric lay out a problem and include their audience by telling stories about a problem and then outlining solutions. At the same time, they’re always willing to share a bit about themselves so that the audience feels like they have a relationship with them. Remember that audiences these days expect to be entertained while also being informed.

2. Stop depending on technology.
Could you give your speech if your PowerPoint crashed? If you cannot, then you’re not prepared to give a speech. You should be able to convey a compelling message without technical aids, so ensure you’re familiar enough with the subject you can talk without such prompts and still make it interesting.

3. Quit being robotic.
President Barack Obama has been criticized for being an unemotional speaker, while First Lady Michelle Obama gets high marks for her energy, emotion and eye contact. This should reinforce the lesson that no one can expect an audience’s attention if they don’t earn it.

4. Avoid just sticking to the facts.
Just because you’re talking about widgets doesn’t mean you can’t connect with the subject. Think about why those widgets are important to your audience. Will the new widgets make factories more productive, and perhaps save hundreds of jobs? Let the audience see that you understand why it’s important to them.

5. Ditch the shoes that pinch.
If you’re in a pair of shoes that are killing your feet, it shows. Any personal distraction – hair that falls in your face, jewelry that clangs about and a too-tight shirt convey uncomfortable body language. Always try on the clothes and shoes the night before a big speech, even if you’re worn it before (you could have put on a few pounds since last time). You need to feel so comfortable that it feels natural to move around and gesture without fearing you’re going to pop a button or develop a foot cramp. Your relaxed body language is critical if you want your audience to feel comfortable with you.

6. Forget the stale rhetoric.
If you’ve used an anecdote or saying in one speech, you need to choose something else the next time. You never know when an audience member has heard you before. At the same time, avoid picking up anecdotes from the Internet or public speaking books, as the audience is likely to have heard it before.

7. Embrace silence.
You’ve been asked to speak, so speak you must. But that doesn’t mean you should try to pack as much information as possible into your allotted time. Don’t be worried about taking a pause, especially after a significant piece of information. Let the audience digest it, then move onto your next point. If you lose your place for a moment, don’t try to fill it with “ums” or “ahs” or “so.” A pause also can be effective in delivering a humorous message – just watch a few videos of stand-up comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and you’ll get the idea.

8. Keep your iPhone out of reach.
Walk away from that smartphone before any speech. Turn it off, hide it under your chair or bury it in a coat pocket. Instead of holding onto it like a security blanket or using it to check last-minute emails, take the time before a speech to mingle with audience members. A smile, handshake and “so happy you could make it” will help you establish rapport with audience members and get them more engaged from the first words of your speech. It’s especially important to reach out to those sitting near the front, since you want to make eye contact with them.

Many professionals believe they can give a speech because they have a deep knowledge of their subject. The problem is that they’re not prepared to share that insight in a way that’s entertaining and informative. The result is that they alienate the audience and lose a golden opportunity to ramp up their professional standing.

That’s why it’s worth investing in a public speaking class. Even a weekend seminar can be worthwhile in helping you hone your presentation skills so that Twitter is abuzz over your abilities – not your goofs.

What are some suggestions you have for public speakers?

Photo Credit © The Center for Social Confidence

For truly exceptional work that exceeded expectations

Excellent work must always be recognized and differentiated as such. High performers are intrinsically motivated by doing excellent work and producing something that impresses others. When that credit is not given, over time they will redirect their effort and contributions towards work that does meet that need for high achievement.

1. Brilliant job!
2. Outstanding work!
3. This is truly above and beyond.
4. We are thrilled to have you on our team and this is exactly why we need you.
5. This is superb! I had no idea a document could look this good.
6. To be honest, when we started the project I wasn’t sure we could pull this off but you certainly did it and did it well.
7. We are so fortunate to have an innovator like you on our team.
8. This is so great I think others could benefit from learning about it. Can I share your work at our team meeting/with my peers/with my boss, etc.?
9. You set a high bar with this one.
10. This showcases you are a role model and leader in our organization.

For work completed fairly, accurately, and on time

It is true that this is an expectation that comes with the job—to get work done without error and within deadline. This work still deserves appreciation and recognition, albeit at a more moderate level. You don’t want to overstate the contribution, but you do want to acknowledge that the effort it took to complete the assignment is not being taken for granted.

1. Thank you!
2. Good work, as always.
3. Thanks for getting this done.
4. You are a lifesaver.
5. Thank you for pulling everyone/everything together on such short notice.
6. I appreciate you getting this to me so quickly so I have time to review it.
7. Thanks for your help today.
8. Thanks for your good work this week.
9. Thanks for stepping up and getting this done for us.
10. I don’t know what I would do without you.

For a job well done

Last but certainly not least—and in fact, most work will fall in this category—is work that delivers more than the minimum but is not quite out of this world. The goal here is to recognize that it is good work but you don’t want to muddle the feedback to sound like it could be one of the other two categories.

1. Perfect!
2. Thanks, this is exactly what I was looking for.
3. Wonderful, this is more than I expected.
4. This is so great I don’t need to make any revisions to it at all.
5. I appreciate your critical thinking around this project.
6. Well done—and ahead of deadline too!
7. You are such a team player.
8. You are so creative—I always love getting your perspective on things.
9. You consistently bring your all and I truly appreciate that.
10. I am so proud/glad/lucky to have you part of my team.

However you choose to say it, don’t skip it. Positive feedback makes us feel recognized and appreciated, it identifies what we have done right (and thus gives us a clue to what we should do more of), and it makes negative feedback and constructive criticism easier to accept and integrate.

Lessons on Ambition from Real-Life “Mad Men” Adman, Kevin Allen

In a wood-paneled, authentically British office in central London, I had the privilege of meeting Kevin Allen, one of the original advertising “Mad Men.”  Kevin led massive global teams during his multi-decade tenure at McCann-Erikson and Interpublic Group, including the one that came up with the famous Mastercard “priceless” campaign.

In his new book, The Hidden Agenda, Kevin talks about the fact that everyone has ambition.  Real ambition, he says, is the human desire to create something good where nothing existed before.  It is a measure of our individual worth, and that of our organization.  It has five key qualities.

Noble Intentions

Real ambition serves an overarching goodness and is of benefit to all constituencies.  It is the compass that guides all of our activities, and it appeals to the core in all of us that wants to be a part of creating something special.

Clear Intent

Real ambition is not a destination or a “hoped for” goal.  It is a steely confidence in what is to come.  It is a statement of unequivocal intention and certainty of purpose that makes it clear that “almost” is not good enough and half-measures are no measures at all.  Dreams are thoughts, but real ambition is action.

Difficult to Believe

Real ambition is not about increments or percentage points.  It’s about making the great leap to a completely new state of being.  It is the path that no one thinks is even possible.

Catalytic Core

The emotional content of real ambition is its fuel.  The catalyst for real ambition’s action is belief in an idea that is wholeheartedly embraced.  Because it motivates, stirs, inspires, and galvanizes, real ambition results in great change and mobilization.

Simplicity

Real ambition is communicated in a way that reaches the hearts of everyone.  It is confident and pure, and it has the ability to launch a movement.

On a warm, breezy day in May of 1961, U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced before a special joint session of Congress the very ambitious goal of landing on the Moon before the end of the decade.  Said Kennedy to Congress as well as the planet:

“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important in the long-range exploration of space.  We choose to go to the moon, and do other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, and because they will serve to measure the best of our energies.”

Kennedy had real ambition, and he framed it in a way the American people could comprehend and get behind.

I used to think of “ambitious” as a relatively stable personality trait.  But Kevin Allen has made me think there’s much more to it.  You can shape your ambition, you can give it to others, and you can use it not just to get ahead, but to make a difference.

Some of the elements of culture include management techniques, shared values and mission, work ethic, daily work practices and language. Companies are not only competing for customers and revenue, they are competing on the basis of how they treat their employees and what they represent. If you have a strong culture, people will not only want to work for you, but they won’t want to work for anyone else so it’s well worth the investment of money and time.

Here are three companies that are doing it right:

HubSpot

Founded by Brian Halligan and Dharmesh Shah in 2006, HubSpot now has hundreds of employees and millions in revenue. They have attracted some great talent, especially many top millennial workers who I’ve come to know over the years. Why do they select HubSpot over the other software and marketing companies out there? Well, there is an unlimited vacation day policy, free drinks and a relaxed dress code, just for starters. Their value proposition is perfectly in line with their target audience. They don’t believe in the 9-5 workday, they want passionate people and they know that you won’t stay at the company forever. Unlike most companies, HubSpot is very open with the public, was probably one of the first companies to ever have a corporate blog and recently published their “Culture Code” as a presentation on SlideShare.net. The deck has already generated over 150,000 views and really captures the essence of what they are all about.

Google

Founded by Sergey Brin and Larry Page in 1998, the company now has over 50,000 employees and over 50 billion in annual revenue. Employees are offered free cafeteria food and there’s a flat management structure. They have also made their company’s core values public. The company founders still do busy work, including keeping the cereal fresh in the cafeteria. Google is constantly getting feedback from employees and even has their own tool called Google-O-Meter to gauge the popularity of employee suggestions. In addition, they have “culture clubs”, which are groups of employees who come together to talk about culture issues within their country or office and how to improve things. Google is a special place to work because the way they design their office spaces and groups is that you feel like you’re still working at a startup but within a major company. This culture, similar to HubSpot’s, attracts the top young engineers.

Zappos

Founded by Nick Swinmurn in 1999, the company is now run by Tony Hsieh and was sold to Amazon.com, amassing over a billion dollars in revenue. Zappos is crazy about corporate culture, shown by their ”Culture Book“, one similar to HubSpot and Google’s which defines what it’s like to work there. Employees contribute new sections to the book each year and define what Zappos means to them. They have gone so far as to pay people $4,000 to quit their jobs if they don’t feel like they fit into the culture after four weeks of training. Employees can access on-site classes focused on happiness and careers.  Zappos also lets employees pitch new business ideas and Hsieh has used social networks like Twitter in order to maintain transparency and reinforce the brands position as the best in customer service.

Often times, the most productive way to respond—both for yourself and for your associate—is by engaging in a coaching-style conversation. With a coaching conversation, you don’t offer advice of your own—you guide people to assist themselves. When you believe they have the ability to do so, you open up their ability to steer themselves in the right direction.

Actively Listen

Let them talk as much as they need to and hear them out completely. Sometimes talking it out is all that is needed and people will begin to problem solve by themselves during the conversation. Ask questions that allow you to better understand the situation, but refrain from making any judgments. Ask about both their thoughts and their feelings related to the situation. Your questions will reframe the problem and allow it to be seen from a fresh perspective.

Stop Enabling

When faced with a difficult situation and emotions run high, it is a natural response for people to initially go into victim mode or even the opposite—to act in an aggressive manner. ‘It’s not my fault’ and ‘they did this’ and complaints along with excuses after excuses. But the goal is to move out of this mentality within a reasonable timeframe and move toward a solution by approaching the problem calmly and logically. This does not happen if people around you enable inaction and encourage the existing thought pattern.

Encourage a New Mindset

Pull them out of the weeds and refocus them on the big picture: What are your goals related to this? If it’s someone else that is the problem, empower them to consider: what can YOU do? When all else fails, a useful technique is to take out a sheet of paper and analyze the situation on paper to get a more objective point of view. There are many tools available for this: a simple Pro/Con list, the Eisenhower Method, or a SWOT (strengths-weaknesses-opportunities-threats) quadrant.

Guide Towards Action

Last, move towards action planning. Nothing will change if the person doesn’t act or behave differently. And the same problem will arise again and again, masked as a new and unique issue if the person doesn’t change their habits. Brainstorm together to create many options for action. What can they do if a similar situation occurs next week? What could they do differently to prevent recurrence? This is a noncommittal way to try out different solutions and prepare for change. Our habits are usually there because we don’t think—we just do. Creating options makes it more likely that a different choice is made in the future.

1. Being too political.

We all know about office politics but when you play into them too much, you begin to be seen as more of a politician than a worker. Your co-workers can get jealous of you and start to dislike you if you’re being “too nice”. People in today’s working world are looking for transparency, openness and genuineness. If you’re too political managing your relationships, people will think you’re a phony or you’re trying to cover something up.

2. Multi-tasking too much.

If you’re working on too many projects at once, you end up not accomplishing much at all and losing focus as to what your true priorities are. Employers are looking for people who can prioritize tasks and meet deadlines. Even in a meeting, you shouldn’t be on your cell phone answering emails. You should be paying attention to what everyone else is saying, responding with your own advice and perspective when appropriate.

3. Complaining about work.

Whether you’re in the office or online tweeting, you shouldn’t complain about work. If you dislike your job or your manager, you don’t want any other people to know because it can get back to your managers in a hurry. Instead of complaining, figure out aspects of your work that you dislike and try and improve them. Work with your manager to connect your talents to different projects that are important to the company.

4. Making promises you can’t keep.

Sometimes you need to say “no” to some projects because if you take on too much, you won’t be able to deliver. Don’t make commitments or exaggerate your ability to do work or you risk losing credibility and people won’t trust you. If you know you can’t handle a certain project, speak up and tell them as soon as you can. We are all human and people are understanding of others situations.

5. Pretending you’re in charge when you’re not.

I see a lot of employees, especially younger ones, acting like they are executives when they are entry-level. You need to know your role and not overstep your bounds because if you do, it’s an easy to way lose support. You have to earn people’s respect over time and that’s why it takes years to build a career, not days or weeks. Eventually you will be in charge, but today respect the status of others and know where you fit.

6. Focusing all your attention on your job.

If all you do is your job, you won’t be able to get ahead. You have to constantly deliver above expectations and make a case to expand your role and responsibilities. If all you do is have lunch with your group and avoid everyone else, you’re making a major mistake. By networking with those outside of your group, you become more valuable, more connected and you might even be able to transfer into another group later too.

7. Not being opportunistic.

A lot of people get too comfortable in their jobs and don’t keep their options open. Even if you love your job, there might be a better position for you with more money and meaning. If you shut yourself off and remain complacent, you won’t grow and other people will pass you.

8. Not learning from your mistakes.

Mistakes can be extremely valuable, but only if you learn from them. If you brush them off, then you may keep making the same mistakes over and over again. The more you can improve yourself, by learning from your mistakes, the more you can show you leadership potential.

WSJ Editors’ Pick – WSJ’s Mathew Passy explores some common workplace mistakes that you can avoid with Dan Sch… bit.ly/146xKx3

— WSJ Podcasts (@WSJpodcasts) May 16, 2013

My company has a written security policy requiring us to authenticate all requests we receive by phone or email before acting on the request or releasing any non-public information. This is a good policy, and necessary to protect both my company and our clients. All employees were required to sign an acknowledgement that we are aware of the policy.

Unfortunately, this policy is completely, totally, 100% ignored in my department. It’s not merely that we don’t follow it. It’s that absolutely no means exists by which we could follow it. There is no method whatsoever available to us to confirm that anyone who calls or writes really is who they claim to be — we take their word for it because we really have no alternative (unless doing absolutely no work could be considered an alternative).

Needless to say, this is a security vulnerability just waiting to blow up in our faces. I’ve mentioned it in email to both of my managers, and both of them failed to reply. Now, to my question (a 2-parter):

1. Is there some way I can approach this with management to get some action? I would like us to move toward a place where we can authenticate people and act in a way that protects both us and our clients. I see no progress (or even attempts at progress) on that front.

2. What steps do I need to take to protect myself? Sooner or later, an information leak is going to occur (assuming it has not happened already), and I don’t want to lose my job, or worse, be legally liable. With every call and email I respond to, I am in violation of a written company policy. Unfortunately, I have no alternative, as no authentication mechanism exists, and it’s impossible to perform any aspect of my job without responding to calls and emails.

It’s bad enough when companies have policies that they don’t bother to follow, and it’s even worse when the policy is an important one.

Start by talking with your manager. You say that you mentioned it in an email and got no response – but that’s not really the same as talking about it. Email is easy to inadvertently ignore or overlook, and it’s not well suited for important conversations.

So talk face-to-face. But when you do, it’s important to realize that your managers may have a different outlook on this than you do. They may have assessed the risk, assessed the resources needed to put in place a mechanism to allow you to authenticate people, and decided that – for right now, at least – the better business decision is to live with not being able to authenticate. And if that’s the case, chances are fairly good (although not certain) that they didn’t make this decision on their own, but with the involvement of people above them. In other words, it’s possible this is a deliberate trade-off that the company is making right now.

Or, that might not be the case at all. This might truly be an urgent issue that would be addressed immediately if the proper person knew about it. But because you don’t have the same context as your managers have, you shouldn’t default to assuming the latter – you want to account for both possibilities as you proceed.

That means that while you should absolutely talk with your managers about this, you should do so not with a tone of “this is an urgent crisis that you’re neglecting!” but rather a tone of  “this has been concerning me and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

If you talk with them and are told that they’re aware of the situation but that they’ve decided it’s okay not to enforce the policy for now, then it’s reasonable to say something like, “I feel a bit odd violating a written company policy with all the calls and emails I respond to, and I worry about being held accountable for that if an information leak does occur at some point. Would it be possible to update the policy so that it reflects how we’re actually working, so that we’re not in the uncomfortable position of doing the opposite of what it says?”

If they’re good managers, they should agree with you on the need to do this. But if they don’t, you can document your conversation by sending them an email afterwards, saying something like, “I want to confirm that we talked today about our policy on authentication and the fact that we can’t currently authenticate customer calls and emails. I’ll be following your guidance not to worry about authenticating until/unless I hear otherwise. Thanks for talking with me about it!”

That might be the best outcome that you can hope for in this situation, but at least you’ll have raised the issue to the attention of the appropriate people and covered yourself in the event of a future problem.

Peter Cook believes quite a bit. As the author of “The Music of Business,” and head of the Academy of Rock in the U.K., Cook looks at artists such as David Bowie and Alice Cooper and finds lessons he believes will transform the way you do business.

In an interview with Anita Bruzzese, Cook talks about how we can glean business wisdom from our music idols.

AB: Why do you feel the connection needs to be made between music and business?

PC: Music and business are traditionally seen as separate subjects at school, yet this is an artificial division.  Music is applied physics and many great scientists and mathematicians are often musically inclined.  Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein and Richard Branson are all great examples of leaders who have a passion for music.

So, I set out to draw parallel lessons between business and the arts, specifically music.  I found many such parallels in areas of business such as strategic thinking, creativity, innovation and the leadership of change.  I’ve set these out in the book “The Music of Business” and it’s predecessor “Sex, Leadership and Rock’n’Roll.”

AB: You say that Lady Gaga can teach us about business strategy. How so?

PC: In the book I have a chapter containing five lessons that we can learn from Lady Gaga on business strategy and social media. While Gaga is undoubtedly a music sensation, it’s also true that she has respected her elders and stood on the shoulders of giants such as Madonna and glam rockers such as Queen and Alice Cooper to craft her music, stage performance and image. This has given her wider appeal across generations and is likely to ensure that she lasts longer than most people in the music business today.  The other clever trick Gaga has used is to understand and exploit the relationship between the 3 F’s : fashion, fans and followers.  This has created a shared identity on social media that brings her fans into intimate contact with what Gaga stands for.  Her fans have become an unpaid public relations force.

AB: David Bowie is known for being creative. What can we learn from him to apply to our careers?

PC: David Bowie is unusually both creative and an innovator. Creativity is the thinking of novel ideas whereas innovation is the successful execution of novel ideas. Bowie has turned his ideas into a profitable career that has lasted much longer than the average one-hit wonder.  To do this, Bowie has surrounded himself with great people, he has changed what he does and pulled off the clever trick of taking his audiences with him and gaining new ones.  It’s more usual to change your music and lose your audience. So it is also true that great leaders hire people that are better than themselves in their specialist roles.  They also manage to change what their business does, keep existing customers and gain new ones.

AB: Which is likely to teach us more: An MBA or Led Zeppelin? Why?

PC: Unfortunately, I must answer this question with the word “both.” MBA’s teach you essential knowledge and skills that any successful person needs to know to help them make good decisions and so on.  Leadership is something you do, rather than read about, and this is learned at the school of hard knocks. To be excellent in business, you need knowledge, skill and attitude. The first two elements come from formal learning such as MBA programs.  The attitude part comes from real- life learning, such as those from Led Zeppelin.

AB: Can jazz really help us beat the competition?

PC: Playing jazz music won’t help you do anything in business.  However, core features of jazz include the ability to improvise within a structure and pass the leadership of a team from person to person.  There is much leaders can learn about improvisation and innovation from the study of a jazz band, even if you are not musically inclined. Too much improvisation and your audience leaves the room as the performance becomes too self-centered. Too much structure makes for a dull performance.  Leaders need to strike a balance between order and creativity.  They also need to learn to trust others to take the leadership role and music provides great insights into such things in ways that other metaphors for business do not.

Readers, what other ways does music teach us important business lessons?

However, at work, how well you relate with others and whether your co-workers like and respect you absolutely affects your ability to get things done.

Fortunately, there’s a new edition of the classic book People Styles at Work by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton that helps us understand the behavioral styles that determine how our co-workers think, make decisions, communicate, manage time and stress, and deal with conflict.

By understanding your own and the people style you’re dealing with, you can establish rapport with someone more easily, become more persuasive, and avoid miscommunication and the possibility of rubbing someone the wrong way.

The Four People Styles

According to the book, industrial psychologist David Merrill found that two dimensions of behavior could explain and predict how people behave: assertiveness and responsiveness (see Figure 4-3).

Assertiveness is the degree to which people’s behavior is seen as forceful and directive. Assertive people are more energetic and quick to action than less assertive people. Responsiveness is the degree to which people are seen as showing emotions or demonstrating sensitivity. Responsive people express feelings more openly, enjoy working with people, and are concerned about the human aspect of issues. Both of these dimensions should be seen as a continuum.

Your people style is based on other people’s perceptions of you – not on how you see yourself. There is a self-assessment exercise consisting of 18 questions in the book to help you determine your style based on how over 50 % of people may perceive you (but it’s best to get other’s direct opinions). There are no good or bad styles; there are only differences among people, and success or failure is unrelated to any style. All styles when used effectively are good ones. The book also indicates a nearly even split, 25% of the population (in the United States) falls into each style.

Analyticals are people who are less assertive and less responsive. Emotionally restrained, they rarely compliment others or get excited. They are organized and systematic. They crave data — the more the better. They are slow decision makers because they want to make sure they have carefully weighed all the facts.

Amiables are, like analyticals, less assertive, but more responsive. Friendly and generous with their time, they are excellent team players. They aren’t flamboyant creators, but rather diligent, quiet workers who do what’s asked of them.

Expressives are, like amiables, more responsive. But they are also more assertive. They’re friendly and empathetic like amiables but aren’t as low-key about it. Flamboyant, energetic, and impulsive, they are the most outgoing of the People Styles.

Drivers are, like expressives, more assertive. But they are less responsive. Decisive and task-oriented, they focus intently on the job at hand. In conversations, they get right to the point. They are purposeful and energetic, just as expressives. But expressives are concerned about people as human beings. For drivers, there’s no time for such concerns.

The Style Flex

According to the authors, “When two people of different styles live or work together, one or both must adjust. If neither adapts to the other, communication will deteriorate, cooperation will decline, the relationship will be stressed, and in work situations productivity will inevitably slump.”

The Boltons advocate a four step process to improving relationships with co-workers who may have different styles than you.  They call this “style flex” and here’s how you use it.

First, identify your style and the style of the other person.  To identify your own style, you have to ask the opinions of others.  Only they can appropriately categorize your external behavior (i.e. assertiveness and responsiveness) without being influenced by your internal motivations or feelings.

To identify the other person’s style, observe them carefully for clues like a loud voice or flamboyant gestures.

The second step is to plan ahead, selecting the specific behaviors you will adapt and how you will adapt them.  The third step is to implement your changes and monitor the other person’s reactions.  Make mid-course corrections if necessary.  After your next meeting with the person in question comes the last step: reviewing the process and drawing lessons for future interactions.

Have you used Style Flex before?  How did it work for you?