My manager recently told me that she doesn’t like the way I handle mistakes. I do make mistakes, and they’re not always trivial ones, but I usually try to fix them and move on. Apparently since I don’t inform her when this happens, it’s coming across to her as me not taking responsibility or seeming “cavalier” about my work quality. But I don’t understand what she’s looking for. Can you help?

Well, first, you need to know what’s going on in your manager’s head when she learns that you’ve made a mistake. Beyond thinking about the repercussions of the mistake itself, she’s worrying about what it means for the larger picture: Did the mistake happen because of sloppy work habits or was this one isolated incident? Is there a fundamental problem with your systems or approach to the work? Do you realize that this is a big deal, or are you shrugging it off and thus likely to let something similar happen in the future?

Once you understand this, the formula for handling a mistake well becomes more intuitive: Tell your boss what happened, take responsibility for it, and tell her how you’ll ensure it doesn’t happen again.

If you don’t do each of those steps, you leave your boss wondering if she can trust that similar mistakes won’t happen again.

After all, if you don’t tell her what happened, or if you put it off out of fear of the conversation, you’re sending the message that you value your own comfort over the needs of the work.

Taking responsibility means using words like: “I really messed this up. I’m sorry.” (In fact, the more concerned you seem, the less likely she is to feel she needs to impress the severity on you. If you proactively show that you get it, there’s no need for her to underscore it.) But if you instead act like it wasn’t a big deal or get defensive about it, you can actually compound the damage: Your boss will be far more alarmed that you don’t really care that you made a mistake than she will be by the mistake itself. Rather than making the mistake less noticeable, what will really stand out is that you’re not taking responsibility for it.

The third step – telling your boss how it happened and how you plan to ensure it doesn’t happen again – isn’t so much that she wants to know as it is that she wants to know that you know. And that’s because if you don’t understand how it happened, you’re not well equipped to keep it from happening again.

You’re going to make mistakes from time to time, and any halfway sane boss knows that. As long as your mistakes remain occasional and not constant, how you handle them will be what matters most.

For truly exceptional work that exceeded expectations

Excellent work must always be recognized and differentiated as such. High performers are intrinsically motivated by doing excellent work and producing something that impresses others. When that credit is not given, over time they will redirect their effort and contributions towards work that does meet that need for high achievement.

1. Brilliant job!
2. Outstanding work!
3. This is truly above and beyond.
4. We are thrilled to have you on our team and this is exactly why we need you.
5. This is superb! I had no idea a document could look this good.
6. To be honest, when we started the project I wasn’t sure we could pull this off but you certainly did it and did it well.
7. We are so fortunate to have an innovator like you on our team.
8. This is so great I think others could benefit from learning about it. Can I share your work at our team meeting/with my peers/with my boss, etc.?
9. You set a high bar with this one.
10. This showcases you are a role model and leader in our organization.

For work completed fairly, accurately, and on time

It is true that this is an expectation that comes with the job—to get work done without error and within deadline. This work still deserves appreciation and recognition, albeit at a more moderate level. You don’t want to overstate the contribution, but you do want to acknowledge that the effort it took to complete the assignment is not being taken for granted.

1. Thank you!
2. Good work, as always.
3. Thanks for getting this done.
4. You are a lifesaver.
5. Thank you for pulling everyone/everything together on such short notice.
6. I appreciate you getting this to me so quickly so I have time to review it.
7. Thanks for your help today.
8. Thanks for your good work this week.
9. Thanks for stepping up and getting this done for us.
10. I don’t know what I would do without you.

For a job well done

Last but certainly not least—and in fact, most work will fall in this category—is work that delivers more than the minimum but is not quite out of this world. The goal here is to recognize that it is good work but you don’t want to muddle the feedback to sound like it could be one of the other two categories.

1. Perfect!
2. Thanks, this is exactly what I was looking for.
3. Wonderful, this is more than I expected.
4. This is so great I don’t need to make any revisions to it at all.
5. I appreciate your critical thinking around this project.
6. Well done—and ahead of deadline too!
7. You are such a team player.
8. You are so creative—I always love getting your perspective on things.
9. You consistently bring your all and I truly appreciate that.
10. I am so proud/glad/lucky to have you part of my team.

However you choose to say it, don’t skip it. Positive feedback makes us feel recognized and appreciated, it identifies what we have done right (and thus gives us a clue to what we should do more of), and it makes negative feedback and constructive criticism easier to accept and integrate.

1. Being too political.

We all know about office politics but when you play into them too much, you begin to be seen as more of a politician than a worker. Your co-workers can get jealous of you and start to dislike you if you’re being “too nice”. People in today’s working world are looking for transparency, openness and genuineness. If you’re too political managing your relationships, people will think you’re a phony or you’re trying to cover something up.

2. Multi-tasking too much.

If you’re working on too many projects at once, you end up not accomplishing much at all and losing focus as to what your true priorities are. Employers are looking for people who can prioritize tasks and meet deadlines. Even in a meeting, you shouldn’t be on your cell phone answering emails. You should be paying attention to what everyone else is saying, responding with your own advice and perspective when appropriate.

3. Complaining about work.

Whether you’re in the office or online tweeting, you shouldn’t complain about work. If you dislike your job or your manager, you don’t want any other people to know because it can get back to your managers in a hurry. Instead of complaining, figure out aspects of your work that you dislike and try and improve them. Work with your manager to connect your talents to different projects that are important to the company.

4. Making promises you can’t keep.

Sometimes you need to say “no” to some projects because if you take on too much, you won’t be able to deliver. Don’t make commitments or exaggerate your ability to do work or you risk losing credibility and people won’t trust you. If you know you can’t handle a certain project, speak up and tell them as soon as you can. We are all human and people are understanding of others situations.

5. Pretending you’re in charge when you’re not.

I see a lot of employees, especially younger ones, acting like they are executives when they are entry-level. You need to know your role and not overstep your bounds because if you do, it’s an easy to way lose support. You have to earn people’s respect over time and that’s why it takes years to build a career, not days or weeks. Eventually you will be in charge, but today respect the status of others and know where you fit.

6. Focusing all your attention on your job.

If all you do is your job, you won’t be able to get ahead. You have to constantly deliver above expectations and make a case to expand your role and responsibilities. If all you do is have lunch with your group and avoid everyone else, you’re making a major mistake. By networking with those outside of your group, you become more valuable, more connected and you might even be able to transfer into another group later too.

7. Not being opportunistic.

A lot of people get too comfortable in their jobs and don’t keep their options open. Even if you love your job, there might be a better position for you with more money and meaning. If you shut yourself off and remain complacent, you won’t grow and other people will pass you.

8. Not learning from your mistakes.

Mistakes can be extremely valuable, but only if you learn from them. If you brush them off, then you may keep making the same mistakes over and over again. The more you can improve yourself, by learning from your mistakes, the more you can show you leadership potential.

WSJ Editors’ Pick – WSJ’s Mathew Passy explores some common workplace mistakes that you can avoid with Dan Sch… bit.ly/146xKx3

— WSJ Podcasts (@WSJpodcasts) May 16, 2013

My company has a written security policy requiring us to authenticate all requests we receive by phone or email before acting on the request or releasing any non-public information. This is a good policy, and necessary to protect both my company and our clients. All employees were required to sign an acknowledgement that we are aware of the policy.

Unfortunately, this policy is completely, totally, 100% ignored in my department. It’s not merely that we don’t follow it. It’s that absolutely no means exists by which we could follow it. There is no method whatsoever available to us to confirm that anyone who calls or writes really is who they claim to be — we take their word for it because we really have no alternative (unless doing absolutely no work could be considered an alternative).

Needless to say, this is a security vulnerability just waiting to blow up in our faces. I’ve mentioned it in email to both of my managers, and both of them failed to reply. Now, to my question (a 2-parter):

1. Is there some way I can approach this with management to get some action? I would like us to move toward a place where we can authenticate people and act in a way that protects both us and our clients. I see no progress (or even attempts at progress) on that front.

2. What steps do I need to take to protect myself? Sooner or later, an information leak is going to occur (assuming it has not happened already), and I don’t want to lose my job, or worse, be legally liable. With every call and email I respond to, I am in violation of a written company policy. Unfortunately, I have no alternative, as no authentication mechanism exists, and it’s impossible to perform any aspect of my job without responding to calls and emails.

It’s bad enough when companies have policies that they don’t bother to follow, and it’s even worse when the policy is an important one.

Start by talking with your manager. You say that you mentioned it in an email and got no response – but that’s not really the same as talking about it. Email is easy to inadvertently ignore or overlook, and it’s not well suited for important conversations.

So talk face-to-face. But when you do, it’s important to realize that your managers may have a different outlook on this than you do. They may have assessed the risk, assessed the resources needed to put in place a mechanism to allow you to authenticate people, and decided that – for right now, at least – the better business decision is to live with not being able to authenticate. And if that’s the case, chances are fairly good (although not certain) that they didn’t make this decision on their own, but with the involvement of people above them. In other words, it’s possible this is a deliberate trade-off that the company is making right now.

Or, that might not be the case at all. This might truly be an urgent issue that would be addressed immediately if the proper person knew about it. But because you don’t have the same context as your managers have, you shouldn’t default to assuming the latter – you want to account for both possibilities as you proceed.

That means that while you should absolutely talk with your managers about this, you should do so not with a tone of “this is an urgent crisis that you’re neglecting!” but rather a tone of  “this has been concerning me and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

If you talk with them and are told that they’re aware of the situation but that they’ve decided it’s okay not to enforce the policy for now, then it’s reasonable to say something like, “I feel a bit odd violating a written company policy with all the calls and emails I respond to, and I worry about being held accountable for that if an information leak does occur at some point. Would it be possible to update the policy so that it reflects how we’re actually working, so that we’re not in the uncomfortable position of doing the opposite of what it says?”

If they’re good managers, they should agree with you on the need to do this. But if they don’t, you can document your conversation by sending them an email afterwards, saying something like, “I want to confirm that we talked today about our policy on authentication and the fact that we can’t currently authenticate customer calls and emails. I’ll be following your guidance not to worry about authenticating until/unless I hear otherwise. Thanks for talking with me about it!”

That might be the best outcome that you can hope for in this situation, but at least you’ll have raised the issue to the attention of the appropriate people and covered yourself in the event of a future problem.

Peter Cook believes quite a bit. As the author of “The Music of Business,” and head of the Academy of Rock in the U.K., Cook looks at artists such as David Bowie and Alice Cooper and finds lessons he believes will transform the way you do business.

In an interview with Anita Bruzzese, Cook talks about how we can glean business wisdom from our music idols.

AB: Why do you feel the connection needs to be made between music and business?

PC: Music and business are traditionally seen as separate subjects at school, yet this is an artificial division.  Music is applied physics and many great scientists and mathematicians are often musically inclined.  Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein and Richard Branson are all great examples of leaders who have a passion for music.

So, I set out to draw parallel lessons between business and the arts, specifically music.  I found many such parallels in areas of business such as strategic thinking, creativity, innovation and the leadership of change.  I’ve set these out in the book “The Music of Business” and it’s predecessor “Sex, Leadership and Rock’n’Roll.”

AB: You say that Lady Gaga can teach us about business strategy. How so?

PC: In the book I have a chapter containing five lessons that we can learn from Lady Gaga on business strategy and social media. While Gaga is undoubtedly a music sensation, it’s also true that she has respected her elders and stood on the shoulders of giants such as Madonna and glam rockers such as Queen and Alice Cooper to craft her music, stage performance and image. This has given her wider appeal across generations and is likely to ensure that she lasts longer than most people in the music business today.  The other clever trick Gaga has used is to understand and exploit the relationship between the 3 F’s : fashion, fans and followers.  This has created a shared identity on social media that brings her fans into intimate contact with what Gaga stands for.  Her fans have become an unpaid public relations force.

AB: David Bowie is known for being creative. What can we learn from him to apply to our careers?

PC: David Bowie is unusually both creative and an innovator. Creativity is the thinking of novel ideas whereas innovation is the successful execution of novel ideas. Bowie has turned his ideas into a profitable career that has lasted much longer than the average one-hit wonder.  To do this, Bowie has surrounded himself with great people, he has changed what he does and pulled off the clever trick of taking his audiences with him and gaining new ones.  It’s more usual to change your music and lose your audience. So it is also true that great leaders hire people that are better than themselves in their specialist roles.  They also manage to change what their business does, keep existing customers and gain new ones.

AB: Which is likely to teach us more: An MBA or Led Zeppelin? Why?

PC: Unfortunately, I must answer this question with the word “both.” MBA’s teach you essential knowledge and skills that any successful person needs to know to help them make good decisions and so on.  Leadership is something you do, rather than read about, and this is learned at the school of hard knocks. To be excellent in business, you need knowledge, skill and attitude. The first two elements come from formal learning such as MBA programs.  The attitude part comes from real- life learning, such as those from Led Zeppelin.

AB: Can jazz really help us beat the competition?

PC: Playing jazz music won’t help you do anything in business.  However, core features of jazz include the ability to improvise within a structure and pass the leadership of a team from person to person.  There is much leaders can learn about improvisation and innovation from the study of a jazz band, even if you are not musically inclined. Too much improvisation and your audience leaves the room as the performance becomes too self-centered. Too much structure makes for a dull performance.  Leaders need to strike a balance between order and creativity.  They also need to learn to trust others to take the leadership role and music provides great insights into such things in ways that other metaphors for business do not.

Readers, what other ways does music teach us important business lessons?

I hear more and more stories like this of employees who are sabotaged by their co-workers in order to further their own careers. This is especially true in a bad economy where there’s more competition for fewer jobs.

A recent study by Hogan Assessments of 700 people found that 81 percent believed they had been cheated or otherwise treated dishonestly by a colleague. 10 percent admitted that they had been perpetrators of acts including “playing dirty” in order to advance their own careers. The problem with this mindset is that the people you work with see you as a threat and as someone who could pull the same maneuver on them. Furthermore, managers are looking for team players who support each other instead of take one another down. Here are some tips for dealing with co-workers who are trying to sabotage you:

1. Document the situations of sabotage.

While the situation is happening and after it occurs, take notes in a journal format. Write down what your co-worker did, your impressions of why they did it and how it’s affecting your work. This way, if you have to meet with them or your manager about the situation, you will have specific details for them about what’s happening. If you don’t journal the incident, then it will be harder to communicate exactly what went wrong.

2. Speak to your co-worker directly.

Instead of telling your manager about their actions, go directly to them and figure out what their intentions were. It could be that you had done something wrong to provoke them and you were unaware of it. You might be the one who has to apologize and rectify the situation. If they were out of line, then you have to tell them exactly what they did and why it was wrong. Be careful about what tone you use and your body language so you don’t ruin the relationship or be perceived negatively by the people around you.

3. Set up a meeting with your manager.

If your co-worker ignores you or isn’t willing to work things out, then it’s time to bring the issue to your manager. Tell your manager about what the issue is and how it’s affecting you. If you don’t speak up then these incidents might happen in the future and people will look at you as the one to blame unless told otherwise.

4. Don’t stoop to their level and sabotage them.

At first you might think that sabotaging them back is a great idea but really it’s not and can make you look really bad. Refrain from taking that course of action and instead, focus on supporting your co-workers, remaining positive and focused on your work. The worst thing you can do is to let your co-worker negatively impact your performance. If you get distracted and start complaining, then it won’t help your case at all.

I work at a relatively small organization (40-50 employees) that recently expanded from having two levels of management (executive director and department managers) to adding a third level of project managers.  Our project managers were all internal hires, but some of our employees who have more years with the organization were not promoted because they were not the right fit for these positions. The positions involved more people/project managing, and though these employees are very good at their jobs, they had never shown any interest nor strengths in more traditional management skills and thus those areas had not been developed with them.

At this point, I have a few employees looking for “their promotions” because they feel they have been with the organization a long time and want to see opportunities for movement for themselves. We are not that big of an organization — there is only so much vertical movement that can occur and keep it healthy and well structured.  Frankly, I am dealing with problems from two directions.  From the staff, I am trying to figure out how to develop employees and maintain their job satisfaction when there are few opportunities for upward movement. But I also want to make sure they are developing in a way that they are ready to move up when and if opportunities arise as the organization continues to grow.  From above, I have pressure to retain employees at all costs, even if that would mean promoting them into some random position I would have to create.

I personally don’t have a problem with employees deciding they need to move on to meet their professional goals.  While I don’t want to lose them, I can completely understand that someone might need to make that decision.  I just (a) don’t want to end up having to destroy my department because of forced restructuring in order to retain employees and (b) don’t want people to move on because I wasn’t doing my job in trying to develop them as best I could within their current positions.

Well, first, you need to push back on whoever above is telling you to retain people at all costs. Retention should not be a goal in and of itself; retaining your top performers should be, but many times you should actually want to see others transition out. If your goal is retention, you’ll make all kinds of bad decisions, like counter-offering with a higher salary when a mediocre employee accepts another job, or tolerating low performance because you don’t want to fire people, or yes, promoting people who aren’t actually good promotion prospects for the organization. Your goal shouldn’t be retention; it should be to create a high-performing team, which means retaining your top people and moving out those who aren’t meeting a high bar.

So you need to push back with your upper management and advocate for practices that meet that goal – not retention-at-all-costs, which will undermine it significantly.

As for the question of how to develop employees “in place” when there aren’t likely to be promotions available to them because of fit, you can absolutely find ways for people to grow without moving to a new role, if you’re committed to it. For instance, are there ways they can improve their skills in their current roles? Development opportunities to expand their skills in ways that will be useful in their current work? Ways to give them increased responsibility (and accompanying salary increases) or a greater role in your department without moving them?

At the same time, it’s important to be transparent with people. If it’s not likely that someone will be a candidate for promotion because appropriate slots simply don’t exist, be honest with them about that. It’s far better for people to know than to have false hope, and they’re more likely to be resentful if they keep thinking promotion is a possibility but it never materializes. So talk to them about the situation and explain why it’s unlikely (small organization, not natural growth path, etc.). But simultaneously, talk to them about how they can grow where they are and make it clear that you’re eager to assist with those efforts if they want to pursue that path.

Frankly, this is the more pro-employee approach anyway. It’s not kind or helpful to people to move them into roles they won’t excel at, or to contort your department trying to create positions the organization doesn’t really need just to provide a false path of advancement. Do people the service of talking with them honestly about the situation, and let them make the decisions they feel are best for them – with your support either way.

Just 29 days after the sinking of the Titanic, survivor Dorothy Gibson starred and co-wrote in a film about the disaster that claimed more than 1,500 lives. Although no copies of the film exist today, more than 20 other movies have been made about the Titanic, and more than a dozen television movies or episodes are devoted to the subject.

It’s clear that the fascination with the Titanic has remained strong in the last century, so it may be worth considering what simple, yet often overlooked, lessons this famous disaster can still offer, especially in terms of project management 101.

• Learn to make adjustments. Titanic’s captain, Edward Smith, often receives the lion’s share of blame for the disaster, and his obstinate belief that the ship could not sink helped lead to it being at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.  When the ship’s crew was warned about icebergs, did it move to Plan B? Nope, it plowed ahead. When project managers spot trouble ahead, they’ve got to be flexible and get team members to chart a new course.  They can’t be so fixated on sticking to a timetable or a process that there are serious repercussions – such as failing to meet the goal or doing so with great losses.
• Don’t fail to plan ahead. The Titanic was considered a luxury ship, outfitted with a gym, swimming pool, swanky cabins and top-notch service and food. What it didn’t have was enough lifeboats.

When working on a project, too many times the goals aren’t clearly defined, and that leads team members into rough seas that can soon have them floundering. When they need someone to pull them out, are there life rafts? Is the project set up from the beginning with safety measures to ensure that managers and stakeholders are on the same page? Or does a lack of clear communication and organization endanger the project from the beginning?

3. Train the crew. No one likes to contemplate failure, but the possibility is always there. Project managers can give team members the confidence to do their jobs by providing the right preparation and training. How many times have you heard heroic firefighters or military service members say after a successful mission that it wasn’t that big of a deal, because it was what they were trained to do?  Titanic’s crew had been so indoctrinated with the idea that the ship was infallible that they were unprepared when things started to go wrong. That led to a horrible outcome, and the same can be true for a team that isn’t prepared by the project manager and given the right project management software to do their jobs.

It’s doubtful the fascination with the Titanic will wane any time soon, but project managers can still learn lessons 101 years after it sank. They should take the lessons seriously to make sure their crews are trained for success—and for choppy waters.

Photo Credit © joblo.com

Why are soft skills so much more valuable than hard skills in today’s working world?

Until very recently, Hard Skills were the only things that companies looked for when hiring and promoting their employees.  However, now that multiple studies have shown the importance of soft skills on job performance and the bottom line, recruiters and HR have jumped on the soft skill bandwagon, demanding that candidates encompass both. Once hired, employees are measured for promotion, assignments, salary increases and bonuses on their soft skill quotient. So, your ability to get along with others, sell your ideas, manage your time, bring a project in under budget and  create an enjoyable workplace environment is now as important- if not more so- than your technical expertise.

What are some ways to go about developing your soft skills?

The first thing you have to do is to get to know yourself. I know that sounds very new-agey and simplistic, but it’s true, and, once you start the process, you’ll find there is nothing warm and fuzzy about it. A good way to start evaluating your social, communication, and self management behaviors is to take my Soft Skills Quiz, at peggyklaus.com. After you have more information as to  your strengths and weaknesses, then you can begin to develop your skills through books, classes, a coach or a mentor.

Managers complain that millennial workers have a lack of soft skills because they are Internet addicts. What advice would you give to millennials?

Millennials bring to the workplace a terrific combination of boundless energy, optimism and technical skill. However, they cannot afford to ignore their soft skills. Many studies sight employers complaints around their lack of professional etiquette, verbal communication, political savy, abilitity to take critical feedback and self presentation (among others), so they must begin to develop these skills so that they won’t stall or derail in their careers.

Do you believe soft skills are more important as you move up the corporate ladder? Why or why not?

Soft skills are important at all stages in your career, but as you take on bigger jobs with greater visibility internally as well as  externally,  the corporation(and the public) expects their leaders to have these soft skills.

How can you tell if your soft skills are lacking? How do you go about getting feedback?

Ask. Even if it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing, ask your boss, colleagues, friends and family to give you specific, positive and critical feedback. If they say things like “You’re intense, or You’re friendly,” that’s much too general and ultimately not helpful in helping you to figure out how you come across. Instead, ask them to describe the specific behaviors that make you appear intense and friendly, which will give you a clearer idea of exactly what you do so that you can address it, specifically!

“Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers,” author Linda Swindling recently talked with Anita Bruzzese to offer some insight into whiners:

 1.       Why do people complain?

Everyone complains and vents at times and for all sorts of reasons: There is stress at home or work. You could be facing a difficult situation, a big change, or maybe there are health or financial concerns.

Chronic complainers, however, are self-absorbed. Their complaints aren’t helpful. They create a hyper-focus on negative issues.  These energy drainers are using whining, complaining, and/or offensive behavior to obtain rewards, avoiding some sort of pain or gain control.

 2.       What do they complain about the most?

The top complaints are too much work to do, unclear direction or lack of feedback from leadership, and incompetent co-workers or bosses. Chronic complainers suck the resources, time, energy and joy out of work and life. They aren’t concerned with solutions. For many, their bad behavior has worked since childhood. In fact, chronic complainers often are compared to school bullies, spoiled toddlers, whiny children, sneaky adolescents and sullen teenagers.

 3.       What do complainers cost those in the workplace?

Surprisingly, 78% of people report a loss of at least 3 to 6 hours each week because of complainers. At a minimum, that translates into one to two months spent every year for every person who spends time dealing with complainers. Thirty-two percent say they spend more than six hours per week, and 2% report that complainers consume more than 20 hours of their time during their workweek.

This unproductive time costs companies at least $4,600 to $9,200 per year per employee. That means that U.S. employers are spending at least $10.2 billion on wasted time per week and over $513 billion a year on complainers and draining situations.

Employees don’t want to work with complainers, even if you pay them. Seventy-three percent of people say they would choose to stay in their current job at their current annual pay rather than accepting a $10,000 pay raise that required them to work daily with a chronic complainer.

If you don’t address the work drama, you risk the loss of productive contributors. Complainers cause good employees to leave a company and jobs they like. At least 11% left a job because they couldn’t stand working with a complainer. Culture rates above salary as a key component in why people, especially good performers, stay in their jobs.

 4.       Is there anything you can do when the complainer is your boss?

If the complainer is your boss, you first need to listen and make sure you aren’t causing the problem and that the solution isn’t yours to fix. Despite their roles as leaders, bosses are still attempting to get a need met. Use caution. Not all solutions fit all complaining bosses. Each of the five types of complainers have a specific way of complaining, including tone, conversation style, words and behavior. They also want different outcomes:

Whiner bosses want empathy and connection. They complain by showing disapproval, venting or withdrawing. Don’t try to solve their problems or become their personal counselor or coach. Listen for a short while, empathize and then ask what solutions they are going to try.

Complicator bosses want calm and stability. They complain by blocking, complicating and creating confusion. They can appear as micro-managers, perfectionists or critics. Slow down your approach and explain, recognize their expertise and knowledge and offer suggestions as an upgrade or logical next step.

Prima Donna bosses want recognition. They complain by seeking attention, gossiping, interrupting and interfering. They can make unrealistic promises you can’t deliver, use you as a scapegoat and take the credit for your work. Help them gain positive attention and look good to others. Don’t get lost in the drama they cause and, if possible, find ways to publicize your results to peers and people who matter.

Controller bosses want action and to accomplish goals. They complain aggressively to control or reach an outcome. They can be bullies, tyrants and bulldozers. You will need to assertively stand your ground without being aggressive. Show them that progress is being made. When you can, allow them to make some decisions from a narrow selection of options.

Toxic bosses want to further a self-absorbed agenda. They complain to manipulate or poison the environment. They can use any of the other four types of complaining to divert attention away from their own inadequacies, misrepresent their expertise and promote their interests. Protect yourself by keeping your own records, seeking help from a trusted advisor such as a mentor, coach or counselor. Watch what communication works best with your toxic boss. Do your best to steer yourself clear of them, including transferring to another team, division or job. Warning: Use stealth when you are looking for an escape. Toxic bosses can retaliate.

(To identify which of the five complaining types you’re dealing with go to www.StopComplainers.com and take the free assessment “Spot Your Complainer’s Type.” )

 5.       Which type of complainer causes the greatest problems and why?

The most dangerous complainers are “controllers” and “toxics.” When they are pushing to get something done or eliminate a delay, “controllers” can be seen as bullies or harassers with their demanding nature and “no excuses” allowed demeanor. “Toxics” are narcissists, manipulators and even psychopaths. They are charming, disarming and poison an environment. When you employ people with no conscience and who are concerned only with furthering their own goals, the torment and harm is without measure.

 6.       What is constructive complaining and why should it be encouraged?

It sounds unbelievable, but criticism can create beneficial business results. Complaining customers who take the time and energy to identify an area of concern are doing you a favor. If situations are brought to light early enough, a company has the opportunity to make it right.

Some tips to encourage constructive feedback are:

• Listen to the complainer without judgment.
• Don’t blame.
• When in doubt, ask questions.
• Show appreciation for the information.
• If you are in the wrong, say, “What can we do to make it right?” or “What do you think is fair?”
• Do not dwell on the past. Once you understand the problem, focus on a resolution and the future.

Have you ever had colleagues or bosses that constantly complain?  How did you handle the situation?